How to stop fooling yourself

I had a nice job, a gorgeous girl, and my whole life ahead of me. Plus, I was bench pressing three hundred pounds! I felt special. It seemed like everywhere I went women were salivating. But I let them eat their hearts out wishing they could have me. I felt like the undisputed alpha male in all known ecosystems.

When I smiled at myself in the mirror, my teeth sparkled. Dentist? Thanks anyway. My expansion knew no bounds. A girl I knew from another state texted, “I’ve been thinking about you. When are you coming back?” I texted her back while my girlfriend was in the shower, and I was still in bed; “I never cared about you. Lose my number.” Ah, the good life. . . I folded my hands behind my head and smiled at the ceiling fan going round. The breeze felt wonderful.

Losers at the gym let me have my way with all the weights and equipment. They never got in my way. Besides I always timed it so that I would be there while my fans were bursting capillaries trying to keep up. Screw ‘em. Let them learn to live with themselves.

I gained fourteen pounds of muscle drinking protein shakes before and after the gym. My girlfriend cherished my physique. She made that very clear. I took it for granted nothing could go wrong. So, I prided myself on ordering all the Italian dishes I loved. Two or three times a week. Spaghetti, meatballs, lasagna, chicken parmesan, linguini alfredo, calzones . . .

Then secretly, very quietly, I started targeting bigfoot meat. Nobody was on to me. Especially bigfoot. I had to creep up from behind when he was whistling and not paying attention. Then I zonked him on the head with a cudgel and dragged him back home through the woods. My girlfriend disapproved but she still loved me. So, she put him on the grill for me anyway although reluctantly. It was tough work, but the bigfoot meat was absolutely fabulous though a little gamey.

Then one day some suspicious cops knocked on my door. They told me bigfoot was missing. His mother said he hadn’t come home and hadn’t called, and she was worried. I said, “So, what are you telling me for?”

Then I woke up. The bigfoot dream must have been a warning. But it was already too late. I weighed myself the next morning and clocked in at two hundred seventy pounds. Whoa. My girlfriend started making little remarks about my new breasts. But did I stop ordering Italian food? Not on your life. But did I stop going to the gym? You bet. Why? To my utter shock, I lost my job. I couldn’t afford to renew my membership.

I wondered why I was let go from my gig. But I did notice toward the end how my bellybutton was visibly bulging from underneath my shirt. I looked like Winnie the Pooh. And when I bent over, my ass crack smiled at the world. Everybody was looking at me. Nobody wanted to have lunch with me anymore. Pretty girls on the job who had once flirted with me were now looking for an exit when I came around. The next thing I knew, the boss Ms. Jones pulled me to the side and fired me. She never told me why.

But I still thought I was hot stuff. Then one evening at dinner, my girlfriend’s cute daughter peeped under the table, raised her head, and looking at me disapprovingly, said, “So, I see your legs are getting bigger . . .” Then she looked at her mom and asked, “may I be excused?” She left the table without waiting for the answer. A week later, my girlfriend gave me the boot.

I weighed myself again. I was three hundred fifteen pounds! I was having nightmares about bigfoot’s mother yelling, “I hope you rot in hell!” Something had to be done. Sometimes a guy has stand before a mirror, look himself in the eyes, and say to that man looking back at him, “repeat after me: I. . .Am. . .Fat. . .”

The process that followed was difficult, necessary and humbling. But this was an important first step for me.

When the smoke cleared, I was one hundred pounds lighter. I was healthier, happier, and I’d like to think, a better man. When I was able to return to the gym, I took it easy. I chose a less injurious, more streamlined routine that worked well for me. None of the old crowd was at the gym anymore. So, I didn’t have to maintain my formerly mushrooming and demanding reputation.

My x-girlfriend emailed me out of the blue one day. We started talking again. We were only friends now, but we seemed to work better this way. She cared about me, I cared about her. We would do anything for each other anytime. No strings attached. It was actually more rewarding now than it had ever been. I felt grounded.

Still, I remember how I first made a detour down that dark alley of self-deception. I had a “best friend” who was handy with women. I wanted to be like him. I built up my body like his. And I started chasing women just like him. My “best friend” had been critical of me until I started doing things his way. There were some superficial rewards, yes. But all told, the demands on my conception of self were abrasive. I injured my own identity in the process and spoiled my view of the world and of my fellow human being. I explained some of that overreach in the opening paragraphs.

So, since I know a little something about being delusional, I can wield advice like Thor’s hammer. The rewards of being more realistic are plenty. If for example you’re working overtime without pay to be something or someone you’re not, especially for others who don’t really care, stop fooling yourself. You’ll find out you’re not all that. Overreach and overactive self-esteem are equally delusional. And delusions are counterproductive.

How do you stop fooling yourself? Take a look around. Cues in your circumstances and happenings in the environment will let you know when you’re not in sync with everybody else. Secondly, weigh the risks and rewards of your associations and relationships. Simply decide in favor of the ones that result in positive growth. Decide against those suggesting you play a role that you cannot safely or realistically maintain.

Lastly, humble yourself just a moment or two. If you refuse to, life has plenty of creative ways for making sure you do. After all, you’re not the only game in town. Appreciate the ripe characters and meaningful achievements of others. It’s realistic and it will make some of these people trend in your direction. They’ll come your way like a sunflower bends toward sunlight. In this fashion, more opportunities will arrive.

People who have tightened their grip on reality have plenty of appealing options. You’ll see that so much of your potential remains unexplored. So much of your life remains to be lived. Humility buys you time. Time to think and act sensibly. Those options are impossible when you’re a delusional egoist with a lack of respect for the fact that this life is not forever.

If you’ve followed this post to the end, you must be interested in improving yourself. Likewise, if you’ve stayed with this post to the end, you obviously possess the impulses and instincts for success in this area. I’d like to congratulate you beforehand for all the positive things you’ll do in your life.

But if you need some help looking on the bright side of things right now, you can call the Mental Health Hotline at 866-903-3787. Or call 988.