History informs your reality more than your personality does. So, you might be a nice person who thinks everybody should be happy and so forth, but the reality may not be so inclined. Not until each of us contributes to our collective happiness and ultimately our development as social creatures. First off, we should acknowledge the difficulty here. It stems primarily from the fact that individuals can only be socially affirmative when they’re personally happy.

So, Webster’s New World Dictionary defines ‘happy’ as follows:

1. favored by circumstances: lucky, fortunate. 2. having, showing, or causing a feeling of great pleasure, contentment, joy, etc.; joyous; glad; pleased. 3. exactly appropriate to the occasion.

Obviously, because it’s so subjective, happiness is not universal. It is inherently selfish. That’s the problem. Here’s an example of why.

Recently, I sat in a library, reading a pleasant book, absorbed in my own contentment. The last thing I wanted was a violation of the prevailing peace. So, naturally, before long, two women took a seat right behind me and started a heartfelt discussion. It went on for more than an hour. Eventually, my focus was broken. My happiness derailed so easily it was as if it had never been on track. Weren’t people supposed to be quiet in a library? What the hell? I pegged the blabbering women as the antithesis of proper library etiquette.

I kept turning around and giving them frowns. I wanted to let them know they were disturbing everyone. Especially me. They paid me no attention though. They rattled on like a baby on cocaine. On the table before them they had spread out a vast array of papers, notes, and slips. One lady who spoke a foreign language was carefully organizing and calculating this information. The other woman helped her along, pointing and nodding, intermittently speaking in her friend’s native tongue and in English.

Meanwhile, I wished they would vanish and resurface in the land of misfit toys. But they wouldn’t disappear. I needed to get back to my jinni on that one. Apparently, these ladies were going about something important. They were the main event. They went from their table over to the computers and noisily printed out information. Then back to the table covered with their papers where they sorted things. Then back to the computer and the printer. And back and forth they went, discussing and resolving their difficulties. I almost got whiplash watching them go up and down the aisles.

But ultimately, I had to accept the fact that the English-speaking woman was a good friend to her counterpart. She was confident, mild-mannered, patient, tactful, reassuring, easy going, and determined to secure a positive outcome. And I’ll be damned if she wasn’t pretty. The other woman wasn’t exactly a monster herself. So, they had my attention now. But I was won over more by their steadiness than anything else. I concealed my intrigue by concentrating a little harder on my book. And to my relief, my self-interest and concentration gradually returned to pre-disturbance levels.

Yet since I had shot so many shady looks in their direction, I couldn’t let myself off the hook so easily. To assuage my guilt, I stopped frowning so frequently. Nevertheless, I stubbornly maintained my right to the original notion of happiness I’d had before they showed up and still peeped at them strangely on occasion. Then when they acknowledged me, I’d sheepishly return my attention to my book.

They were aware of my presence of course. But they didn’t let me bother them. Which in turn made me feel more guilty about being less of a person then either of them. Therefore, I was relieved when after roughly two hours they were all finished and quietly left the library. Yet, I had come to a reckoning.

If you’ve read any of my posts, you’ll know that I make mistakes. But I try to learn from them. As I sat in the ensuing silence, I realized (too late) that my own joy was a selfish plot. Especially given the fact that this was a public space. The more I pondered those women, the more I understood that.

Obviously, one of them was trying to organize and print important information. Maybe related to her citizenship status. Clearly, that was more important than my desire to not be disturbed as I read The Arabian Nights. I wished I had recognized that sooner. The English-speaking woman was exemplary in her supporting role. And both women tolerated my grimacing, huffing and puffing. I felt stupid now. I wished I hadn’t been so selfish.

All I could do was prepare myself for the next challenge to my personal joy. And be willing to slide over a little and share that coveted fire with people who despite appearances might offer an accelerant. It’s not my world. Who knows what those women were thinking? I’m sure they would have preferred a kinder greeting. Obviously, everybody everywhere is seeking joy and peace of mind. That’s nothing new. It’s been an ongoing quest since the cognitive revolution.

Illustrious kings and queens, rulers and leaders have come and gone in the interim. But the people remain. And still, we’re clamoring for an equal distribution of peace and happiness. We should know by now that it’s within our own power to bestow upon ourselves those jewels in the crown of emotional intelligence.

Like everyone else, I’m a manifestation of where we are in our historical development. And since in the library that day my reality led me to selfishness before my personality, good or bad, led me to understanding, the findings are underwhelming, I know.

The way those women tackled their project won my admiration. If I had acted on that and smiled at them from time to time, I might have felt better about myself. And in finding a friendly face, they might have felt less saddled with challenges. Instead of two women frowned upon and one man feeling guilty, three people could have left the place feeling even better than they did when they first came in. But no. I wanted to be happy. Just me and nobody else.

Mindful of this, it would seem that for a chance at universal contentment, perhaps our personal happiness should be allowed to wither. Certain interests have long ago thought of this. Through the elimination of the personality, they champion a questionable state of affairs where universal tranquility can be realized. By whatever means necessary. But what is gained if that impedes the survival of personal happiness and costs us our individuality? So, I’m having second thoughts about the demise of ego gratification. Guilty pleasure that it is.

Isn’t personal happiness a prerequisite for better health? Isn’t individuality necessary for complimentary diversity? Selfishness is the hinge on which the door to these benefits opens. But even so, selfishness can be antisocial in a world of cart blanche freedom of expression culminating in wide ranging capriciousness. Individuals are empowered to be isolationists like never before. Far from being a healthy common body, this world is rampant with antisocial anxiety at levels previously unknown.

Our condition persists because the requirement of selfishness works alongside our need for food, water, shelter, and a mate. It is a necessary evil. Yet it features an inborn promise that doesn’t necessarily have to be actualized but can be. On the basis of that promise optimistic people from all walks of life are seeking and finding alternative expressions of themselves. Philosophers, thinkers, gurus and plenty of others are building communities of likeminded individuals intent on creating a happier future. All as an outgrowth of their own natural desires. Considering this, it seems that our personal good fortune must persist if we’re to carry out any good will towards others.

Regardless of how and why, happiness seeks expression from each of us from one moment to the next. It promises positive outcomes when we’re cognizant of the architecture of these moments at our disposal. When we build on the foundation of each moment, which is the simple desire of almost everyone at hand to be counted, content and at ease. If we labor toward making that a reality, one gesture after the other, we can engineer a marvel seldom achieved by the likes of humankind.

The stones for constructing such a structure are available in the potentials of our fellow man and woman. Each is a vital piece in the design of the human pyramid if you will. Properly utilized, happiness can embrace one person after the next. It can become widespread. It can thrive as opposed to merely persisting as selfish instinct. We can’t hurt ourselves by freely pitching in toward the completion of this massive project involving everyone alive!

I really wish I had stronger suggestions than the dreamy postulations I’ve put forth to this point. Again, I realized none of these lofty ideas until the good women I scoffed at were gone on their way. Days later when I happened to be in the library again, I kept an eye out for them. I hoped they would come back so I could smile at them and greet them and basically make myself feel better about me. But I was denied such indulgence. I had to start from scratch with the materials and potentials of the moment at hand.

Eventually, a homeless women saddled with luggage and bags came into the place. She took a seat at the table next to mine. She looked tired. Thankfully she didn’t reek. Even if she did, I wasn’t going to frown at her. I’d learned my lesson. She got some snacks from one of her bags and ate them. Minutes later her head was resting on the table. Soon she was fast asleep.

I studied her old shoes and the weathered skin of her hands and smiled. I wasn’t happy that she was destitute. But I was happy she was getting some much-needed rest. When I was absolutely certain she was knocked out, I dropped a bill in one of her bags and went back to my seat. It was necessary for the survival and happiness of more than one person.

If you find happiness hard to come by these days, you can always speak to someone at the Mental Health Hotline by calling, 866-903-3787. Or call 988.