Walking into wholesale stores like BJ’s or Sam’s Club is like stepping into a gladiator’s arena. The vast turf, the stage lighting, the competition. Everybody jostling for products and keeping an eye open for potential romantic partners. It seems only the well-situated will obtain the partner while the most athletic will get that box of mixed nuts way up on the higher shelves. Generally, the young, novices, and beginners are doomed. Their carcasses litter the aisles of wholesale clubs and supermarkets across this great country. I hear the workers responsible for cleaning up afterward have been clamoring for union representation lately.

Who stands and who falls while shopping is tricky. Judges generally go to the scorecards at the checkout counters. These are the championship rounds when wallets, debit cards, and cash make their appearance. The subsequent side eyes, glances, winces, and grins of strange people all around decides winners and losers. Am I exaggerating? Is this news to you? Or maybe you’re just arriving late to the party. Look around next time you’re out for groceries. I think you’ll find a strange new world.

But not everything is as it seems. Sometimes a man of modest means comes away with a beautiful woman managing a shopping cart loaded with gimcrackery. And so, there are times when even a poor man like this can whip out his old badly peeling leather wallet, lay out a few twenties and singles to the cashier and strut off with a confident swagger. I know. I’ve done it. It’s all in the mind. You can get the hell out of there with renewed faith in humanity, and a smile on your humble face while passing by people on their way inside the arena not knowing what to expect.

Selecting the ripest fruits, the choicest olives, the best cuts of meats, prioritizing, pricing, trying not to be rude while getting what you want. It takes a steady hand. So, when you’re out there shopping, recognize it’s an initiatory event and an underrated but crucial ritual.

I’ve seen rich people fumble badly and drop touchdown passes at the self-checkout counter. A dismissive look or casual arrogance won’t warm the hearts of those eager-eyed people waiting behind you. In this instance a lack of humility is like bad breath before the first kiss. People want reassurance they’re not being judged improperly. Kindness counts. Mature folks relish it like a contrasting breath of fresh air. Next on line. Looking penniless ain’t cool either. People equate it with low self-esteem. Society takes no pity on poverty, nor do we have any tolerance for low gumption. Every shopper is like a cow being sized up for the slaughter. Next. . .

That’s why, the aisles of supermarkets are pregnant with potential. If we play our cards right, we can stroll about, get what we want, and perhaps zero in on a potential partner for the cherry on top. Check their expressions carefully. Make sure they’re not in a rush, rude, confrontational or totally frustrated. Are they preoccupied with happy thoughts? You know that when they’re smiling. Do they stand out as simply enjoying the day despite the hubbub? Last but not least, are they with the old ball and chain? If so - next! If not, maybe we can help them reach that jar of mixed nuts. I’m mindful of all of the above. So, when I shop, I’m looking for all kinds of good deals, literally and figuratively.

I say all this as a way to set the stage for telling what befell me yesterday at BJ’s. A simple mission to find cookies and Honey Nut Cheerios morphed into a frustration smackdown. I remained pretty cool and left the stadium in my usual humor. But it did get tense for a second.

I entered the arena with my empty cart and found it crammed with funny-looking people doing their weekend shopping. A flock of forty-year-old females was swarming the muffins and doughnuts display. Men were bumbling about. Other women were pushing carts with children inside. You could see that a few of them wished they had made different choices in life. Proceeding through the first aisles, I passed a thirty-something lady who deliberately avoided eye contact with everybody. It seemed that she either lacked confidence and didn’t want to be victimized or she didn’t want anyone to take one look in her eyes and see that she was open to suggestions. I wondered about her for a second as I kept on going toward the cereal aisle.

When I got to the damn cereals, I saw that almost everything I liked was gone! Either the shelves hadn’t been stocked yet, or everybody beat me to the fricking Honey Nut Cheerios. This had never happened before. When I go shopping, I always consider what I might do in the event the store is out of an item I want. But I never had that problem with Honey Nut Cheerios. It never even crossed my mind. They were always there. Never in a million years would I have thought they would betray me. Wow. So, that threw me off since I had no plan B.

Furthermore, as I pushed my cart toward the usual location where I saw a few people choosing among what was available, some older woman took one look at me, decided she didn’t like me, and left her filled shopping cart directly in my path as she walked away. I tried to go around but there was a stream of people coming toward me from the other direction. The aisle was blocked. If that older lady had moved her cart, traffic could have moved much more smoothly. But it seemed like she was willing to upset everybody else just to thwart my progress.

Not to mention, when I looked closer, I saw that one woman further down the aisle actually had a box of Honey Nut Cheerios in her clutches. It was the only box in sight! I needed to get over there! She looked like she wasn’t sure if she was going to put it in her cart or not. So, I wanted a shot at it. But that damn foolish woman’s cart was still blocking my forward progress. Apparently, it was being left there as long as necessary to mushroom into a confrontation between her and me. After ten seconds passed in slow motion, I felt myself losing my cool. So, I forged forward with my cart, but its wheels got caught up with the wheels of her cart and I was stuck.

The stupid lady sighed as I approached while trying to navigate around her vehicle. So, she steps back into the middle of the path next to her cart. One way or another I had to contend with her. I wasn’t sure if I reminded her of an x from her younger years or what. But finally, I gazed down at her and said, “Excuse me! Please!” She reluctantly stepped aside a little, and wide-eyed as if she was being harassed by an unreasonable beast of a man. I’m aware that along with conflict and pressure, frustration is one of the common causes of stress. I untangled the wheel of my cart from her cart’s wheel and kept on my way. I didn’t look back once. I refused to be stressed by a possible x from a possible past life. But I wondered what was really on her mind. What a sick puppy.

Anyhow, when I got over to the woman with the last box of Cheerios in her hands, I stood behind her rather threateningly, hoping she’d return the box to the shelf. But no sir. She tossed it in her cart and wheeled her fat little self out of there oblivious to my grief. So, I ended up with a box of plain Cheerios. There can’t exist a blander cereal in the world. It’s not possible. But looking on the bright side of things, the forty-ounce box was only six dollars and change. Fine.

I secured the chocolate chip cookies I wanted from the bakery section. Then returning from the rear of the store toward the check out, I passed a familiar face. It was that innocent thirty-something lady I’d noticed when I first came into the store. She was certainly thought-provoking. Again, she was coming toward me. Again, she avoided eye contact. She was using a lot of energy deflecting potential injury to her self-esteem. I thought maybe I could cheer her up by talking to her. I tried to get her attention by burning a hole in her with my eyes as she passed. Exactly what she was looking for! Eager to escape, she kept walking. I felt bad. I had to wonder if I was just the kind of guy she was trying to avoid. An opportunist with neutral intentions.

Acknowledging my multipronged motives as I arrived at the checkout, I felt like a wolf in sheep’s clothing. That was cause for further frustration. Before this episode I’d thought myself a man of the people. My innocence founded on my lack of wealth because the rich faced emotional alienation from the common stock. Nevertheless, there I was looking untrustworthy to some kindred spirit. Now, I was avoiding eye contact with others while grappling with these ideas.

When it was my turn at the register, I was a little moody. I kept thinking about that evil woman in the cereal aisle. And the other lady who didn’t want to look at me. But I got it together. The petite cashier smiled sincerely, scanned my items, received my cash, grinned and wished me a good day. However brief a show of fellowship it was, I took it. Because I was so preoccupied, I wasn’t even aware of anything else going on around me. I told the lady, “Thank you. Have a nice day.”

Walking out of the store into the parking lot, the fresh air felt great. I thought about the sheepish thirty-something lady. I hoped she’d have a better day the next time she was out shopping. It must have been that she either came into the arena with stuff on her mind to begin with or I missed something that might have happened to her in the aisles before I first noticed her. Who knows? It’s like I suggested at the outset though. Warehouse outlets are no place for the faint of heart. And as for that crummy lady who thwarted my efforts to get the last box of Honey Nut Cheerios, I should have just run her foot over with my cart! But I respect her spunk. She must have known I was full of shit when she saw me coming.

If things are so frustrating that they seem overwhelming, you always have someone to talk to at the Mental Health Hotline by calling 866-903-3787. Or if things are really bad call 988.